So the two weeks in between my sessions went from positive to stressful. I've been poorly, worried about money and just generally suffering from the lack of sunshine, and after a major drop in my mood yesterday I considered cancelling as I wasn't sure I was in the right head space. But, for that reason I decided it was important to go.
I arrived, sat down and we discussed how I'd been feeling. I was honest, perhaps not as honest as I could've been, but nevertheless he knew that I'd been feeling quite depressed and anxious - particularly that day. As he felt so happy with the previous session he'd decided to try a regression this session to find the 'route cause'. He chose to put me into hypnosis slowly and we began.
We started as we did last time, taking long deep breaths. As I went through these breaths he re-iterated phrases that would calm me and my body - allowing me to feel safe and comfortable in my chair. A technique he used a few times which he used last session was the tapping of my knee and saying 'sleep', usually saying that I would fall 100x deeper into relaxation.
This time round I began feeling so much more relaxed and comfortable, my entire body had a warm, tingly feeling and it was honestly so lovely.
I actually don't remember how the therapy itself started out, I don't think. I remember him asking me to feel a positive feeling and as he counted from 1 to 10 the feeling would grow. I struggled with this and didn't feel overly positive to be honest. He woke me up form the neck up and asked how I felt and then tapped my knee and said 'sleep'.
He then asked me to remember a feeling of anxiety, not too powerful that I'd have a panic attack though. He counted from 1 to 10 again and by the time he got to 10, I was breathing very heavily and my hands had become really clammy. He then began tapping the centre of my forehead, and then asked me hurriedly to remember the first time I ever felt this feeling.
He stopped and asked me where I was, but I wasn't anywhere. I was still sat in the chair in that room.
He then asked me to imagine an orange glowing path, with one end the future and one the past, and said that I was going to go into the past remembering certain events. He asked that I lift my right index finger when I came to a memory. We did this a few times, recollecting significant memories that I was aware of in my conscious mind of when I was very young. I spoke to him about these memories whilst in hypnosis.
We focused on a memory of when I was around 6 (I think) which has always stuck with me - he encouraged me to play it over and over, giving me opportunities to tell 'little Gemma' that it will all be okay, asking me how I felt each time and telling me that I can forgive the person for making me feel this way. I revisited this memory maybe 4 or 5 times, and this all felt very conscious to me.
He then asked me to imagine a white room, with a white door and that in a moment a person that I need to forgive would come through that door. When the door swung open and they were there I was asked to speak to them and tell them that I forgave them and when I had spoken with this person, I was to raise my right index finger.
He then asked me if there was anybody else that I needed to forgive, I told him no. He told me there would be one more person coming through that door and it would be 'little Gemma' and I was to talk to her and hug her, I had to tell her it was okay and it wasn't her fault she was so afraid. This actually made me feel so emotional and I just wanted to cry and tell her that everything WOULD be okay, I wanted to take her with me.
He then said that we would both go through the future together. As we moved through events he asked me how I felt, I said that I was still scared. He then said that both me and 'little Gemma' would come through all of these events right into the chair that I was sat in and merge as one.
He then stated he was going to speak directly to my subconscious and that I was to answer questions with my left index finger, indicating no, and my right index finger, indicating yes. He asked questions like 'Are you ready to let Gemma have the information that has led her to be here today?', 'Are you willing to replace these feelings of anxiety Gemma is suffering with, with new positive feelings?' and 'Are you ready to let Gemma move on with her life?'. Now I'm genuinely not 100% whether it was me doing it consciously or it was my subconscious as I was obviously fully aware of my body and my therapist's voice, but I wanted my right finger to lift as obviously I wanted the help. And so, my right finger lifted each time, indicating yes.
He then very slowly woke me up, counting from 1 to 5 and then I opened my eyes.
We discussed the session (which lasted an hour and a half). He asked me if I was aware of these memories and I told him that I was. He felt like we'd gone through a lot and gave me the opportunity to have another session or just see how I felt in a week's time. I've booked in another session as I honestly don't know how I feel about how that session went in all honesty. I felt like my conscious mind had a lot of involvement, which may have been to do with all the stress that I was feeling.
I'm excited to see how next week goes.